Ya Allah, Bukan Niat Nak Merungut

Assalamualaikum

So hari ni aku pose. Mmg tergugat la iman bila tgk adik mkn nasi lemak pstu terbau mama panaskan lauk kurma. Ergh dugaan beb. Tapi masalahnye, yang aku pegi ke dapur tu wtpe? Leceh. Hmm klau dh pose time bkn bulan Ramadhan, mmg rse penat tu cm extra sket. Padahal tak wat kje2 berat pn, kerek je lebih kn. Rse nk dok dpan tv, peluk bantal, tgk cite wlaupn da ulang bjuta kali kt tv. Haih kenapa la lately aku asek mls sgt nih? Rse berat je badan (mmg pon!) pstu rse mls nk buat ape2. Wuaaaa taksuke gile.

Fine aku da mbebel byk.

The truth is, I feel like I'm missing something. I'm not sure what is it. I feel like I've left behind and I don't know who I am anymore. Omg mcm drama sgt nih. Bukan2. Aku just confused ape yg jd. It's just for the past few months, I think I've changed. Not quite sure what the changes are, though. Tapi aku realize yg aku da kurang bcakap ngn org, jd sgt2 conservative and byk bpkir than before (that's for sure lol). Nk wat something or ckp dgn someone, msti pkir like byk2 kali ok? Tkut tsalah ckp ke, tsakitkan hati org ke. Tp end up org akn pkir aku ni pdiam, tak funny and mbosankan. I feel soooooo discouraged, rse tak confident dpn org, rse mcm everyone's judging me. Omg kroniknya paranoism aku nih! Ok2 stop it.

Purposely diselitkan so that takde unsur2 emo yg kterlaluan lol

Maybe I overthink too much. Maybe I don't even have to think kan? We sometimes can't seem to enjoy the present beauty of life because we're too busy creating one. I guess I'm just being ungrateful with what I have right now. Somehow I want more. Bila nk tulis blog pn pkir byk2 kali gak ape nk ltak. Ejas sana, ejas sini. So last2 jd tak jujur and mesej tak smpai. Heh. Tp ble bce blog org len, rse sronok sgt. Diorang all out ape dorg rse. They wrote about their life and how beautiful it could be. Bestnye hidup yg dikelilingi org2 tsayang, tak dibenci org, dpt buat ape yg kita nak without being questioned and  do something that we can be proud of. Confidence is what it takes but sadly, that's what I lack. To be honest, I just want to be happy and make others happy too. I really do. Pesanan(s) from my sayang(s):

• Just be yourself and don't think about others because you deserve happiness too
• Surround yourself with funny people (aku suke gile klau org yg ade a lot of sense of humor :D)
• Tengok cite2 lawak (How I Met Your Mother is one of them blergh)
• Busy kan diri sniri, jgn slalu dok sengsorang sgt. Errrrkk...? 
• Jgn take life for granted, kang menyesal because every second counts
• Talk to others (a little bit of gossiping won't hurt aite hihihihi)
• Ultimately, pray to Allah, The One Who Listens yet Knows everything kan? :)

Yelah kawan-kawan. Korg dh pesan byk2 kali, dh nasihat sume tp esok luse, aku msti tak okay balik. Bengang kan? But thanks for being patient with me. It's so shameful to admit I sometime can be so childish. Ye ah, nk tgk TV pn berebut ngn Kimi yg bru darjah satu. Moody habesss. Apekahhhhhh T_T

p/s: The heck emo pulak pagi2 buta ni. Ptutnye mtk doa kt Allah bg hati ni tenang sket. Sorry, I intended to create this blog out of happiness tp kwn aku penah ckp, kdg2 cite sedih tu kne la selitkan so that bole djadikan iktibar pd mse depan. Betol ke kak? Pape pn, entri ni xde kne mengena dgn spe2 pn. It's just something I need to voice out sebab kadang2 aku kalah dgn ujian Allah. Kadang2 jadi tak bsyukur. Takpelah, mcamane dramatic pn entri ni, aku xkesah janji aku dpt tido dgn lena this time. Without being miserable, again.

  hidayah shukor

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THANKS FOR READING! :)

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